It's the 6th week of grad school

So it's almost the end of the 6th week of grad school.

Let's just say it has been very overwhelming. I think it was a bad idea to wait so long between undergrad and grad school because I am so out of it.

Every Tuesday night I have a 6 hour class. Yeah that's right 6 hours! The first hour and a half is tutoring a student in reading. We have to use things that we have learned and give assessments to the student. I have a 4th grade boy who is reading at a 5th grade level. His fluency is good but not so much on him comprehension. Then we get an hour break for dinner. Then we come back for 3 hours of lecture. My brain is seriously dead after all that. I get home and I am exhausted. This is a required class. I wish it could be broken up into 2 days, like tutoring one day & lecture the next. Everyone I talk to who is going through the program says it's the hardest class but you will learn the most from it. I feel like that's true and I'm sure once it's done I'll be like wow that was a good class, but right now it's hell.

I have one class on Monday nights about diversity and it's pretty easy. The only challenging part was we had to write a paper about how we have been "othered" so made to feel like an outsider, bullied, or something else. We also have to read these paper aloud to the whole class. So that sucks but oh well, the prof is really nice. She cried when some of the people read their stories aloud.

My last class is on Thursdays and it is my most least favorite. I feel like I'm learning nothing new at all. It's about diversity in the classroom. We have to do 15 hours of classroom observation as well. 15 hours is not that much, I've already got like 6 hours of it done. For our midterm we have to work in a group and present a lesson plan. I think my group is too smart for me. It's four of us and two of the girls were in GATE while in school and they acted surprised when myself and the other girl said we had never been in GATE. So that made me feel kinda stupid.

So I've made friends with the girls in my classes but I feel left out a lot because they come from rich families. Pretty much all of them are from Newport Beach and I'm from lowly Garden Grove. I don't fit in with them. They are going to NYC and other fancy trips over the weekends & I'm like I stayed home and did homework. They are all really nice and friendly but I just don't feel like I connect with them.One thing we all agree on though, is that we have no idea what we are doing most of the time in class. Our professors must all think we know how to do things already. They'll be lecturing and we'll all look at each other and know that we have no idea what the prof is talking about.

I think I am letting school stress me out more than other kids in my classes too.  They seem all relaxed about not knowing how to do things or whatever & I'm freaking out on the inside about how to write lesson plans and all that. Ugh oh well that must just be all my anxiety issues acting up.

I'm meeting with one of groups for our lesson plan that's due tomorrow. I need to start getting ready cuz I am a hot mess.

This weekend I need to write a 9 page report on the student I'm tutoring and his progress. Not fun but I'm going to try and get most of it done before Sunday because I am going to a birthday party for my friend's baby.

I miss not having free time to lay around and watch netflix all day!!



71 days until the end of my first semester of grad school!